and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
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There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
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Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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