if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
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