Just look for the house with the beer knights.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
