you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
