you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
