I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
