I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
