You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
