I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
