You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
