Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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