just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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