This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
