New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
