we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.