you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.