dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.