You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
25 Adults Reveal The Most Embarrassing Stories From When They Were Kids
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over