I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
