cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
