I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
