I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
