i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
