I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
