Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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