Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i came on her dog
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
