all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
