I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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