Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Randomize
