No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
