one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
