I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
