Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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