im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
