Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
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Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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