Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
