You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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