just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
