What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
