Cold hands, warm shart.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.