I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.