i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
USA USA USA
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.