Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I looked at my own cervix.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
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Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
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you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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