Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
