All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
