I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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