Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
My liver just had a heart attack.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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