dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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