That's intense
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
