I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
