I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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