Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
