I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
