just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
