I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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