he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
