I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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