oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
