FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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