I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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