you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
