I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
