Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
it glows. i had to have it.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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