OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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