just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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